10 ordinary moments.
10 ways to know what to say.
“What do I even say right now?”
Ten everyday moments, and the words for each one.
See what’s inside — $27 →
You can read every parenting book out there and still hit the moment where you think: “Okay… what do I say now?” The morning already running late. The third time you’ve asked. The small thing that just turned into a very big thing.
Those moments don’t come with instructions — and this isn’t another system to follow. It’s ten of them, written out: what’s going on underneath, the words to reach for, and what to do when it doesn’t go well.
Not a perfect way to parent. Just a little more clarity for the moments that matter.
A note from the author
There’s something I wish someone had told me when I first became a mother: your children may not remember the ordinary Tuesday, but they’ll remember how it felt to be loved on one.
They’ll remember whether you made room for their big feelings, whether they felt safe coming to you, whether on the hard days they knew they mattered. I didn’t understand that when I was starting out. I do now — and I wrote this guide so you don’t have to learn it alone.
Each chapter begins with a moment you’ll recognize — then helps you slow it down, understand what may be happening, and find a way forward.
What to notice. What to say. What to try. And what to do when you get it wrong.
The complete guide, plus four simple tools you can keep, print, and come back to whenever you need them.
One payment. No subscription. 30-day money-back guarantee.
See what’s included — $27 ➤The cushions. The juice. The evening at 6:47.
Three ordinary moments. A closer look at what’s really happening — and what you can do differently in the moment.
When They Show You What They Made
She spent 45 minutes building a little castle. Now she’s excited to show you how it works.
A simple way to notice the thinking behind their work.
When the Juice Hits the Rug
A full cup on the rug. She freezes, watching your face.
A simple way to respond without making the moment bigger than it needs to be.
After a Moment You’d Take Back
Twenty minutes later, the house is quiet again.
What to say when you come back after losing your temper.
Ten chapters, and ten pages
from my own kitchen.
Every chapter includes an “In My House” page — real moments from my own parenting.
The morning a sock seam became the problem. The parking lot where fear came out as a shout. The evening I did my ten-year-old’s homework for her.
Alongside those stories is research, with its limits clearly stated.
A parenting guide, not clinical advice.
Written by Daniela Paes, mother of two daughters.
Where the evidence is experimental or replicated, the book says so. Where it is suggestive, it says that instead. Where a popular claim runs past the evidence, it says that too.
- Mary Ainsworth
the secure base - Diana Baumrind
warmth combined with limits - Albert Bandura
children copy what they see - John Gottman
emotion coaching - Ed Tronick
rupture and repair - Mueller & Dweck
praise, and what it costs after a failure - Robyn Fivush
how families talk about their past - AAP / Kenneth Ginsburg
child-led play
“No study cited here promises that a specific action produces a specific child. Anyone who tells you otherwise is selling something.”
Three lines from the book
Children are not assembling a highlight reel. They are assembling a climate report.
The grade is information. The thirty seconds after the grade is the part that becomes memory.
It was fear, but it came out as anger, because anger is faster.
Four tools for the days
that already went wrong
Part Two of the book, separate from the chapters, so nothing has to be looked up twice.
Words to Reach For
Fifty-four lines across fourteen situations — meltdowns, siblings at war, “you don’t love me,” scared, embarrassed, angry at you. Meant to be read out loud before you need them.
When You Don’t Know What to Do
One page, ten situations, one instruction each. “Sixty seconds of nothing before the first question.” “Name the behavior. Name the boundary. Stop.”
The Seven-Day Being Seen Reset
Seven days, one small experiment each: presence before questions, specific noticing, six minutes, repair, protecting one ritual. Each day lists what to do, what to say and what to watch for. Miss a day and you do that day next.
Pages to Come Back To
Four write-in pages: your automatic reactions, what this child actually needs, what you’re carrying from your own childhood, and what you want them to keep.
Is this guide for you?
This is you…
You’re in the right place if —
Close this page if…
This is not your guide if —
Ten chapters, four tools, one payment
No subscription, no upsells. The file is yours to keep, and any updated edition is sent to you free.
- Ten chapters — one ordinary moment each, from the meltdown to the repair
- 102 lines to say out loud — 48 inside the chapters, 54 in the Words to Reach For list
- In every chapter — a page from my own house, what to do when you get it wrong, one thing to try today
- Three more tools — the one-page sheet, the Seven-Day Reset, four write-in pages
- Thirteen sources — the research, with its limits stated
Secure checkout · Instant PDF download · Phone, tablet or computer
30-day refund guarantee
Read it, use the lines, and if it wasn’t worth it, email within 30 days for a full refund. No explanation required.
Take the quiz:
Which chapter
to open first?
Optional, and about a minute. At the end you get the chapter to start with, plus the printable “When You Don’t Know What to Do” page by email.
Question 1 of 4
How old is your child?
Before you decide
Questions mothers ask
Tap any question to open it. If yours isn’t here, write to me — I answer every email myself.
My days are already full. Do I have time to read this?
It isn’t built to be read cover to cover. Each chapter is a few pages and ends with one small thing to try today, and Part Two exists for the nights when you have no reading in you at all — one page, ten situations, one instruction each. Most mothers open it at the chapter that matches the evening they just had.
Who is THE KIND OF MOM for?
Parents who want the specific words for ordinary moments. The scenes run from a four-year-old on the kitchen floor to a ten-year-old with homework, so roughly the preschool-to-middle-school years.
How will I receive it?
Through Payhip, right after checkout. You’ll get an email with the download link within a few minutes. If it hasn’t arrived in an hour, check your spam folder and then write to me.
Can I read it on my phone?
Yes. It’s a PDF, and because every chapter follows the same nine sections, the part you need is in the same place each time.
What’s the refund policy?
Thirty days. Email me and you get the full amount back, no explanation required. I answer refund emails within two business days.
Do I have to read it in order?
No. Read it in order or open the chapter that matches tonight. Part Two is built for that: one page, ten situations, no chapter required first.
Is this clinical advice?
No. It’s an educational parenting guide and doesn’t replace advice from a qualified professional who knows your family. The closing notes say so directly, and explain that the research cited describes patterns across groups, not outcomes in any one home.
Does this expect me to be a calm person?
No. The opening pages say plainly that it won’t ask you to become a calmer version of yourself, and every chapter has a section for the days that don’t go to plan.
Is this the same as Beside You?
No. Beside You covers the first ninety days after birth. This one starts later, once a child has opinions about shoes and a backpack to drop in the hallway.
What exactly is included?
Part One: ten chapters, each with the same nine sections — the scene, what’s happening underneath, what the research suggests, a page from my own house, the moment to notice, words to reach for, when you get it wrong, one thing to try today and a question to carry. Part Two: the four tools above. Plus a closing letter, notes on the research and thirteen references.